Broken Down Dib
by Red Witch
Summary: After the invasion of Earth Dib contemplates his place in the universe.


**Gaz destroyed the disclaimer saying I don't own Invader Zim characters. This fic happens shortly after the events of the ninth chapter in 'Rise of The Invaders'. IT'S MADNESS PEOPLE! **

**Broken Down Dib**

Somewhere out in space...

"I don't know about you but I'm drained," Gaz yawned as she sat in a chair in the control room of the stolen Borgia ship. "Who'd have thought destroying an invading alien armada, annihilating an oppressive alien species and wrecking a planet would tire you out so much? I could use some sleep pretty soon."

"Ha! Invaders do not **need **sleep," Zim snorted as he flew the ship through the stars. "We got rid of it a long time ago. Our superior Irken constitution makes us able to go for days with minimal rest."

"Just fly the ship and try not to crash into anything," Gaz ordered. "I'm going to go check on Dib."

She went into one of the back rooms of the starship. She found her brother lying on a large bed tied up with a straightjacket. He was wide awake. "Gaz..?" Dib blinked.

"Dib?" Gaz asked. "Are you okay?"

"Not really," Dib lay there. "But I have to go pee. Can I get out of this straightjacket now?"

"Might as well because I don't want you going to the bathroom in the only bed we have. And there is **no way** I'm doing the alternative," Gaz unstrapped him. "Bathroom is over there. At least I think it's the bathroom."

Dib nodded and ran into the room. A few minutes later a flush was heard. "Yeah it's a bathroom," Dib came out. "I mean it definitely flushes like a toilet so…"

"So are you done being crazy? I mean crazier than **usual**?" Gaz gave Dib a look.

"I'm not going to hurt myself or do anything stupid like that," Dib told her. "I think I'm too numb to do anything now."

"Boy are you being over dramatic," Gaz groaned.

"Gaz my entire world has shattered completely," Dib said as he curled up on the bed in a fetal position. "I think considering the circumstances I'm acting pretty reasonable if you think about it."

"You're still **human** you know?" Gaz said in an angry voice. "No matter what those idiots back on Earth think."

"A human grown in a lab like a piece of mold," Dib grumbled. "I was born to be a freak. I could never be normal."

"I kind of figured **that **out a long time ago but not for the reason you think," Gaz raised an eyebrow. "You're not normal because you're nuts."

"It just all makes sense now," Dib said. "My whole rotten life. Why I always had bad luck. Why I was so drawn to the paranormal…"

"Being a clone gives you bad luck?"

"I don't know. How else would you explain my luck? It's like the Earth rejected me because I wasn't…natural," Dib sighed.

"Ho Hos and Ding Dongs aren't natural but they seem to get along fine," Gaz said. "Oh wait they get eaten…"

"It also explains why Dad loved you more," Dib went on. "I mean I always knew you were special to him but it never quite clicked until now."

"What do you mean by he loved **me** more?" Gaz blinked.

"Oh come on Gaz!" Dib shot up. "It's so freaking obvious! He gave you a security job on his show for crying out loud! You never had to fight people just to get a permission slip signed! He gave you everything you wanted and actually listened to you from time to time!"

"That's because I used blackmail and didn't scream crazy stuff like a baboon on sugar," Gaz interrupted.

"Me, I was just a replacement! The new Membrane to show up when the old one wore out!" Dib said bitterly as he flopped back down again. "It wouldn't surprise me if he was thinking of making a newer model because the old one was **defective!**"

Gaz stayed silent. Dib picked up on it. "He did…Didn't he?" Dib was horrified.

"Yeah…" Gaz sighed. "When the army was chasing you he was talking about making me a new better brother."

"I KNEW IT!" Dib shouted in anger as he sat up. "That's why he didn't try to save me! I was just a **copy!** Why bother saving a defect when you can grow a new and improved model from **scratch?** That old Dib is broken down? Well let's just get a spare one from the lab!"

"Oh boy…" Gaz sighed. "I knew it was a **bad** idea to tell you that. You're gonna just go on about it for years aren't you?"

Dib went on. "Yes Sir! Come on down to the Dib Farm! We got all kinds of Dibs fresh grown from the lab! Big ones! Small ones! Some with even bigger, better heads all marked down at a low low price! Now that I think about it, I'm surprised he didn't make **more** of me before!"

"You have no idea how many nightmares of that I've had over the years," Gaz groaned. "Again, **one** of you is more than enough!"

"Oh wait, making more Dibs would have required time and effort! Nooooo time for that on a Dib! Just wear the old Dib out until he falls to pieces or gets blown up or made into hair gel and then make a **new improved** version! But **you**…No! **You** can't be replaced! You were the **normal **child! You can't be replaced! Unless he decided to clone you for some weird reason if you were dead or something but that's still…"

Then Dib thought of something. "Wait a minute…Why **did** you save me then?"

"Simple, I didn't want another stupid brother," Gaz shrugged. "I mean do you know how hard I had to work in order to get **you** trained? I didn't want to go through that again. I was just saving myself ten years of work."

"That's it?"

"Plus I was just sick of living with Dad," Gaz shrugged. "He wasn't exactly Father of the Year. Let's face it, he would have turned on me too sooner or later. And I hated the Earth. The whole planet was a dump and everyone on it were hypocrites and losers. I saw a chance to get back at both Earth and Dad and to leave it all behind and I took it."

"It's more than **that**," Dib's eyes narrowed. "Come on Gaz, I want the truth. Why did you save me and turn your back on Dad? I mean you could have still had **everything** if you just stayed on Earth. Maybe even more stuff. So why did you throw it all away? I don't understand."

"You're gonna make me **say** it aren't you?" Gaz groaned.

"Gaz, tell me…" Dib insisted.

"Because…Now don't read too much into this…" Gaz told him. "I loved you more than him. Then again I love **cereal **more than Dad so don't get all weepy on me."

"Oh…" Dib blinked.

"I mean…Let's face it. You aren't exactly the most charming person to hang around with," Gaz went on. "You're annoying. You're self centered. You go on and on about the stupidest stuff. You have an ego the size of Cleveland. Your **voice** makes me want to destroy everything around me in an unquenchable rage that never ends! All you ever think about is paranormal stuff. You drag me into your stupid experiments and occasionally put spells on me. And you've never exactly been the poster boy for normal either."

"On the other hand…" Gaz sighed. "You're the only one who's ever wanted to sit with me at lunchtime ever since we were little kids. And you think that by talking to me all the time about your stupid theories and Zim that counts as conversation but at least you're not all **sensitive** about it. And even though I try to **discourage** it, you always want to spend time with me. And I suppose you always wanting to 'protect' me while completely stupid and sexist does have some basic idea of thinking about me. Which is more than anyone else has done."

"Basically even though you're a moron, you're **my** moron brother," Gaz finished. "And I guess you have to love **something** in this stupid universe. Or at the very least be fond of it. Otherwise you'd be completely self centered and crazy. I don't want to be **that** crazy. I mean, crazier than **you**. It's not a good thing to be. Dad doesn't care about anyone but himself and look how nuts he is!"

"Uh Gaz…"

"Yeah I know I don't care about anything but myself but it's in **my self interest** to have some kind of family isn't it?" Gaz snapped. "Even if it is an insane stupid brother."

"You have a point."

"I know I'm not the nicest girl in the universe, but even I'm not stupid enough to think I can take on **everything** alone. I'm going to need assistance. And it helps that if I actually…Well care is the **wrong **word, but have some kind of feelings for someone who will help me it will be better," Gaz shrugged. "I only helped you to benefit **me** so don't get any ideas. I'm not your sidekick. You're **mine.** Got it?"

"Caring about someone isn't a weakness Gaz," Dib blinked.

"It is if the person you care about is a **moron**," Gaz rolled her eyes. "But since you were the only moron who willingly spends time with me whether I want to or not…And you're slightly more useful than a goldfish. I might as well keep you around. You do have **some** uses after all."

"In other words you **do** care about me but you don't want to admit it," Dib smirked.

"Don't let it go to your head," Gaz told him. "There weren't exactly that many other candidates for you to beat out. I mean the only reason you beat out the family dog was the dog disappeared. I think Dad used him for an experiment or something. I know you didn't do it because you cried like a wuss for almost a week."

"I was five years old," Dib blinked. "Or I **thought** I was five years old. I guess I was only four."

"Still no reason to be a crybaby," Gaz shrugged. "But I guess I can kind of understand why you're a little nuts now, with the whole clone thing and everything. You know it still doesn't change the fact that you're my stupid brother right? My stupid **little** brother."

"**That** is still a hard pill for me to swallow," Dib groaned. "But yeah. Thanks Gaz. That means a lot to me."

"Well at least you got back at all those jerks," Gaz patted his head. "I'm proud of you for that."

"You're proud of me for blowing up the skool, wrecking the Earth and basically making us outcasts?" Dib blinked.

"Don't forget you also trashed Zim's home planet, destroyed an alien armada, finally stood up to that old crone Bitters and told Dad off," Gaz reminded him. "Of course again you could have done it without the crying and being a wuss but then again this is **you** we're talking about so my expectations shouldn't be too high."

"Yeah well as much as I'd hate to live up to your low expectations of me, I'm still not quite right. I don't think I'm going to be quite right for a while," Dib said.

"You haven't been **quite right** since the day you were born," Gaz rolled her eyes. "Nothing new there."

"No, I mean I'm really **lost** here," Dib said. "It's like part of me is shattered beyond repair."

He looked out the window at the stars. "I wanted to be a hero so badly. I didn't care how many people made fun of me or how many times I got hurt. I thought it was my destiny to save the world. But my destiny was the opposite. My destiny was to destroy the Earth. To be one of the worst villains that ever lived. You can't help but be a little shocked by something like that."

"Do you still hate humanity and the Earth?" Gaz asked.

"Oh yeah," Dib nodded. "Totally. I am so **over **the whole 'Save the Earth from Aliens' phase! I mean I did just wreck the entire planet so…"

"Well that's a step in the right direction," Gaz said encouragingly.

"Let's face it, I'm evil now. Good people don't destroy the Earth. And I'm pretty sure my career in the paranormal is completely shot to hell now," Dib sighed as he fell back on the mattress. "Even if I didn't blow up the planet the Swollen Eyeballs would never let me be a member. Something tells me they wouldn't let a clone in their group anyway. I know for a fact they have an anti-werewolf policy so I'm pretty sure being a clone is the same thing. So there goes **that** dream! I'm probably going to end up as some kind of bounty hunter or assassin for hire. Although I must admit the money must be pretty good. And there's always some kind of wars and stuff going on in outer space right? So the work must be steady."

"Gotta admit, I didn't think that far career wise," Gaz said.

"Well Gaz what did you **think **we were going to do out here? Just fly around from planet to planet searching for knowledge or something?" Dib asked. "This isn't Star Trek you know?"

"Again you have a point," Gaz said.

CRASH!

"What the hell is going on **now?"** Gaz yelled as something rocked the ship.

"You don't think some of the Borgia survived and are chasing after us do you?" Dib asked.

"Only one way to find out!" They ran to the bridge. They saw Zim sound asleep in his chair, some drool running down his face. Gir was curled up asleep by his feet.

"We're in a small asteroid field!" Dib yelled. "I mean really small. Wow. I never knew asteroids could be the size of tennis balls."

"Oh great, Captain Kirk has fallen asleep at the wheel," Gaz quipped.

"Kirk? Oh wait you're right," Dib said. "Picard would **never** fall asleep on the job."

"So much for a **superior** Irken constitution," Gaz grumbled as she shoved Zim off the chair and took control of the vehicle. "Should have known better than to let that idiot alone at the wheel."

"I was right here," Gir replied as he woke up.

"Not you, the **other** idiot," Gaz snarled as she piloted the ship.

"But Dib was with you," Gir was confused.

"I meant the other, **other **idiot!" Gaz yelled. "I'm going to have to come up with new names to describe you maniacs! HANG ON!"

VRROOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!

"WHAAAAAAAAA…?" Zim yelled as the ship lurched to the side in order to get away from the asteroids. He crashed into a wall.

Gir fell on him. "Hi Mister Pillow!" Gir said cheerfully.

"AAAH! What's happening? What's happening?" Zim jumped around and looked wildly around. "What is happening?"

"You fell asleep at the wheel and nearly killed us all!" Gaz snapped. "Well maybe not killed us. Just startled us by flying into a tiny asteroid belt. By which I mean the asteroids were small. But still the ship could have been damaged!"

"Tiny asteroids? I've heard of this! This is the Delloki System! We're supposed to be in the Andamarian System!" Zim checked the star charts. "We're off course!"

"Very observant, Zim!" Dib snapped. "Wait we're actually **going** somewhere?"

"Should have known better not to leave you alone at the controls!" Gaz snarled.

"Well what were you doing that was so important?" Zim snapped.

"You didn't hear a word I said did you?" Gaz snapped.

"Uh…" Zim didn't recall. "Was it really important?"

"Not really. Just thinking of ways to rebuild our lives after our dreams were shattered," Dib shrugged.

"Hey my dream was always to trash the Earth and steal all the expensive game stuff I could," Gaz smirked. "It came true."

"I thought you always wanted to be an artist," Dib looked at her.

"What gave you that idea?" Gaz was startled.

"You were always drawing when you weren't playing video games or watching TV," Dib shrugged.

"Yeah well…Turns out I'm not that good at it so," Gaz shrugged. "I like causing mayhem and wrecking stuff better anyway."

"I always thought you were pretty good at it," Dib said.

"Dib don't be a suck up, but thanks anyway," Gaz shrugged. "Look you two. Let's get one thing straight. I'm in charge here so you two better stop your stupid fights and get along."

"Who said **you** were in charge Earth Girl?" Zim snapped. "Zim here is the experienced space traveler! **Zim** is the trained Invader! Zim…"

"Is an **idiot** who got kicked out of his planet for being defective and wrecking **everything**," Gaz interrupted.

"Dib tell your stupid sister that she isn't in charge here!" Zim snapped.

"I dunno Zim. She did kind of save us and help us and stuff," Dib said. "Maybe she **should** be in charge?"

"DOH! Stupid spineless Dib Worm! Why was I asking **you** for help?" Zim snapped. "Of course my enemy would stab me in the back to ally himself with his power hungry sister!"

"But Master, you and Dib aren't enemies anymore! You're friends!" Gir said cheerfully.

_"Friends?"_ Both Zim and Dib were repulsed.

"He's right you know?" Gaz said. "Think about it. Zim you never really had a mission to take over the Earth. That means technically Dib never had any real mission to protect the Earth from you. Which is a moot point because both of you not only trashed your home planets but **each others**. And since you both did wreck both Earth and Irk that means that both of you are now outcasts from your home world because I'm pretty sure if either of you go back to either planet you'll be blown up into little bits."

"Oh…" Dib blinked.

"And as amusing as that would be to see that, unfortunately I'm probably going to get killed too by associating with you…But let's get back to the subject," Gaz shrugged. "You're both all alone. You're not invaders or paranormal investigators. You're just two outlaws on the run without a planet to call home. Oh and let's not forget that whole bonding thing you've gone through."

"I wish I **could**," Zim moaned.

"In other words the only chance the two of you have of surviving is sticking together," Gaz pointed out. "You are both **stuck** with each other. Forever."

"_Forever?_" Zim's eye twitched.

"Forever and ever and ever and ever," Gaz smirked.

"And ever and ever and ever and ever and ever…"Gir went on. "And ever and ever and ever and…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Zim ran out of the bridge screaming.

"We're gonna need the straightjacket again," Gaz remarked. "Then again if I was stuck with **you** forever I'd go nuts too."

"Oh yeah? Well you're not just stuck with **me**, Sis," Dib gave her a look. "You're stuck with me, Zim **and** Gir."

"What?" Gaz looked at him.

"You did just kind of help us trash the Earth and steal a lot of stuff," Dib pointed out. "That's aiding and abetting and being an accessory. I mean, Zim and I are pretty much nuts so we have insanity as our excuse but you **chose** this life. In other words, you are stuck with me and Zim and Gir. **Forever."**

"Cupcakes!" Gir said happily.

Gaz was stunned for a moment. "Okay I admit I was just kidding around with you and Zim but that was just plain **mean!**" She howled as she stormed into another room.

"I think I'm going to like being evil," Dib smirked.


End file.
